This too shall pass....

As many of you know, we recently lost a member of our family. One that stepped into our life very briefly but had an impact on us which is indescribable. I am finally to a point that I feel I can share this story with you all and not break down emotionally.


In early October I took a pregnancy test due to doctor's request to simply prove to her I was not pregnant. The result from that test would then send me into a whirlwind of emotions. It came back positive, so I took another, and another, and they were both positive as well. I called the doctor and she requested a blood test. I had that done and sure enough, I was 4 weeks pregnant. I was so excited, but also very stressed out. This meant buying a new car, moving into a bigger place, and spending a lot of money we hadn't planned on. But this baby was going to be a part of our family and I loved that child so much already, nothing else mattered. From the day I found out I was pregnant, something about it just didn't seem right. I went in for an ultrasound to rule out a possible ectopic pregnancy. The ultrasound showed only a sac because I wasn't far enough a long to see my baby. Two weeks later I had another ultrasound that showed us our sweet little baby, and a heartbeat! A HEARTBEAT! Yay! I was overjoyed. After you see the heartbeat the chances of losing the baby are dramatically reduced. The heartbeat was so strong and I felt so relieved to have a strong, healthy baby growing. We told our family and they were all so excited. My first real appointment was on Halloween. I was having all the symptoms of pregnancy and feeling so sick I couldn't get out of bed most days. I went to my appointment and the doctor did an in-room ultrasound that had really bad picture quality. We saw the heartbeat for a split second and the shape of my baby really fast but then other things got in the way and we couldn't see my baby any longer. My doctor assured me this was normal and that I had nothing to worry about. Life was so good, I was constantly looking at baby clothes and other baby items. I was starting to figure out what maternity clothes I would need and couldn't wait to experience a pregnancy again, but still, something felt off. My parents both told me that it didn't seem real and they just couldn't believe I was pregnant again, but they were each excited. Life was so bright and exciting.


Then November 10th my world started crashing down so unexpectedly and so quickly. I was suddenly spotting. Spotting can be normal in pregnancy (and I spotted with Ranen) but this didn't feel right. I knew something was seriously wrong with my baby or me. The next morning it had stopped but I still called my doctor. She wanted me to go in for an ultrasound just to be sure. Right before it was time for the ultrasound I started to bleed heavily. This was the worst of my nightmares becoming a reality very suddenly. I wasn't prepared for this at all. We got to the ultrasound and at first they couldn't see very clearly, then finally, we saw the sac which was suppose to be safely housing my healthy, strong baby. I won't go into detail, but you could tell that my baby had passed away. The second the ultrasound tech looked at me, with sad eyes, I knew. She said, "I'm going to be the barer of the worst news" and I burst into tears. She reassured me that this was not my fault, but I couldn't help feeling like it was. I was suppose to protect my baby, let nothing happen to him/her, and now he/she is gone.......The next few days were full of pain, emotional and physical, and disbelief. Knowing my body was giving birth to my baby was so hard because I knew I would never get to meet that sweet child. I soon came to the realization that everything happens for a reason and that this baby wouldn't have been healthy enough to survive, so it was better for him/her to let go before suffering in this world. This took some of the sting out of the situation, but it still hurt so bad. I will never have my little June Bug baby. But it happened for a reason, and I hope some day I can know that reason. I am so grateful I got the chance to be the mother to that sweet baby, even if it only was for 10 weeks.


I'm hugging Ranen a little tighter these days, and reminding those around me what a miracle each of their children are. This experience has made me stronger personally, my marriage stronger, and my love of my son stronger. Mother knows best, and I knew this little one wasn't okay. I will never forget my little angel baby. And I will never take Ranen or any future children for granted. 
*Thank you, sweet baby, for spending those few weeks with me, and allowing me to learn from you. I love you, forever!*


How very softly
you tiptoed into my world.
Almost silently;
Only a moment you stayed.
But what an imprint
Your footprints have left
On our hearts.

Playing Catch Up

I have been terrible about posting! We have had so much going on in our lives. Since January Jon has been working from our kitchen table 4 days a week and going to Park City the other day. Ranen and I LOVE having Jon home during the day. When he works from home he gets off work at about 3 PM but when he goes to Park City he doesn't get home until 5:30 PM usually. It's so nice to be able to still do things on weekdays when he works from home! Ranen is getting huge! He talks all the time, runs around like crazy, and is so independent! He would much rather play by himself and feed himself than let anyone else be involved. He's for sure a daddy's boy, but he's starting to want mommy time again. I have been going to college online for 2 terms now. I'm working for my BS in Early Childhood Development so that I can become a 1st grade teacher someday. That is the basic gist of our family's lives right now.

Lately I have been cooking more and more because we have been spending too much money on eating out and buying already made meals. I have begun to really love it. (I think Jon is too) Last night I cooked Pizza Monkey Bread for dinner and while that was in the oven I got started on a Chocolate Chip Cookie Dough Cheesecake.

Pizza Monkey Bread

Not the greatest cell phone picture

                                                         
Here's the recipe:

Ingredients

• 2 cloves garlic, thinly sliced
• 4 Tbsp butter
• 2 lbs pizza dough (I used pre made pizza dough I bought at Harmons, but you could certainly make your own if you have a recipe you like)
• 6 oz mozzarella cheese, cut into small cubes (I used about 42 pieces)
• 48 slices of pepperoni or Canadian bacon
• 2-3 cups marinara sauce, warmed, for serving

Instructions

1. Heat garlic and butter over medium heat just until the garlic begins to brown. Remove from heat and let sit.
2. Lightly brush the inside of a bundt pan (or other oven-safe dish) with garlic butter.
3. Pull off large marble-sized balls of dough and flatten. Top with a slice of pepperoni and a cube of mozzarella.
4. Wrap the dough around the pepperoni and cheese, pinching well to seal.
5. Very lightly brush the pizza ball with garlic butter and place into the bundt pan (I dabbed the pizza balls on a butter-dipped silicon brush. Buttery hands make it hard to get the pizza balls to seal).
6. Repeat until all of the dough is used.
7. Cover and let sit for 30 minutes, while preheating the oven to 400 degrees.
8. Bake for about 35 minutes, until the top is very brown.
9. Remove from the oven and let sit for 10 minutes.
10. Turn out onto a platter and serve with warmed marinara sauce for dipping.

Chocolate Chip Cookie Dough Cheesecake

Here's the recipe:

Ingredients

Crust:
4 Tbsp butter, melted
2 1/2 C chocolate cookie crumbs (I used chocolate Teddy Grahams)

Filling:
4 (8-ounce) blocks cream cheese, softened to room temperature
1 C sugar
4 large eggs
1 tsp all-purpose flour
1 tsp vanilla
1 C sour cream

Cookie Dough:
½ C butter, softened
½ C sugar
½ C packed light brown sugar
2 Tbsp milk
2 tsp vanilla extract
1 C all-purpose flour
1/4 tsp salt
1 C mini chocolate chips (I've made this once with regular sized and once with mini, mini works much better)
An additional 1 C mini chocolate chips to fold into the batter 

Garnish:
Whipped cream
Mini chocolate chips, for sprinkling (I skipped this)

Insturctions

Cookie Dough: In a medium bowl, combine the butter and sugars for the cookie dough. Add the milk, vanilla and blend. Mix in the flour, salt and the chocolate chips. The dough will be fairly soft and sticky. Gently roll the dough into small balls and place them on a wax paper lined plate or baking sheet. Place them in the freezer to harden while making the rest of the cheesecake.

Crust: Lightly grease the bottom and sides of a 10-inch springform pan. In a medium bowl, combine the butter with the chocolate cookie crumbs. Press onto the bottom and about halfway up the sides of the pan.

Cheesecake Filling: Using an electric mixer on high speed, beat the cream cheese, sugar, eggs and flour until smooth. Add the vanilla and sour cream and mix just until blended. Be careful not to over mix.

Pour half the batter into the crust. Gently stir in the cookie dough balls and the additional 1 cup mini chocolate chips into the remaining batter. Pour into the pan, spreading the batter to the sides of the pan and evening it out across the top. Bake the cheesecake at 325 degrees for one hour. Turn off the oven and prop the door open. Let the cake sit in the oven for an additional 30 minutes. Remove the cake from the oven and let it cool completely. Refrigerate until chilled (over night preferably). To serve, cut into slices and top with whipped cream and mini chocolate chips.

One Year Ago

The day he was born!

A year ago today I was sitting in the hospital, holding my brand new, handsome, calm little baby boy, Ranen Carter. Today I am sitting at the kitchen table, watching him feed himself cereal and babble on about nothing. I can't believe how much your life can change in a year! I can't believe that I ever lived without my little man in my life. He is so smart, and getting so big! He has taught me so much in his first year, I can't wait to see what the next years bring. From his first smile to his first steps, every moment of it has been so rewarding! There have for sure been some hard times, some trying times, and some times I had to just sit down and cry, but for every one of those times there has been countless happy, exciting, and amazing times.

I love how Ranen goes to the bath tub and says, "Wow, wow, wow", I love how he sees a banana and points saying "Nana, nana", I love how he knows how to strum a guitar, how he plays on the drums, how he turns lights on and off. I LOVE EVERYTHING ABOUT HIM. I love they way he looks when he sleeps, I love the way he waddles when he walks, I love the way he lights up when his daddy gets home from work! I love that he gets so excited when we pick up Colin, I love how much he loves his aunt, Mady. I love that when he sees his Grandpa Dean he reaches for him and growls and points to any musical instrument in sight. I love that when he sees his Grandma Michelle he grabs her and snuggles in for a nap. I love how he reaches for his Grandma Valeri and wants to watch and help her cook! I love the games he plays with his Grandpa Kent, like trying to not do "waa waa's" even though you can tell he loves them. I love the smile he gets on his face when he sees me each morning, I love the way he cuddles with me when he's tired. I LOVE MY LITTLE MONKEY!

This year has been the best one of my life! Thank you Ranen, for teaching me how to be a mom, for showing me what it's like to love a child so much that you would do ANYTHING for them, and for entertaining me every single day, in so many ways! You are one special boy, Ranen. I can't wait to watch you grow up even more and see what you become. I know you'll accomplish great things and go far in life! You are incredible and I couldn't live without you! I LOVE YOU RANEN CARTER STODDART!!!! HAPPY 1ST BIRTHDAY BABY BOY!!!!!!!

On his 1st birthday!

Update

Our life is constantly changing so I never know what to update about. Our little man is going to be 11 months old tomorrow! He is taking a couple steps by himself, but doesn't want to walk because right now, crawling is faster. He loves eating real food, climbing the stairs, and trying to join in every conversation. I can't believe a month from now I'll have a one year old. He's just getting too big.
Jon has started a new job in Park City that he loves! He gets to work from home 3-4 days a week, which I love! He's working so hard and I'm so grateful for that!
I'm working on starting school to get a degree and go into early childhood development so I can become a teacher.  I want to better myself for Jon, Ranen, and myself. I want to show Ranen that you can do what you want if you just put your mind to it, no matter what life brings. And I don't want him to think that because of him I had to throw away my dreams! :)
That's our life right now, nothing to exciting.

My Boys

I have three of the best boys in the world! Jon, my amazing, understanding, hilarious husband. Colin, my adorable, smart, active step son. And last but totally not least, Ranen, my sweet, energetic, bright little boy! Without any of these three boys, my life is incomplete. From the day each of these boys came into my life, I knew I never wanted to live a day without them.

Today I have seen how much my two little ones have grown up since they entered my life. Colin is so big that he is potty trained, plays by himself, knows his alphabet and numbers and sometimes scares me with how much he knows! He'll sit and play with Ranen and talk to him in the car if he is crying! He loves to "translate" what Ranen is saying. I love watching him grow and discover new things each time we get to have him!

Ranen, I could go on forever about this boy. He is so smart! He already knows how to say "Ickey" when he sees Mickey Mouse, he is trying to walk, he gives "5's", and he knows how to turn on his electronic toys. I can't believe that something that was so unplanned could make my life so incredible and make each day so much brighter! Seeing him learn how to do even the littlest thing makes my day! And how much he loves his dad is so amazing to me. I love their bond! When Jon comes home Ranen automatically wants a hug, and he wants to play with his dad all night long! I can't wait to see the boy he becomes in the coming months and years!

And Jon! Where do I start? Seeing him with the boys is so amazing! He is the most incredible dad I have ever seen. The love he has for his kids and for me is so strong and unbreakable. He's made my life so much better and continues to everyday! He always makes sure the boys and I are taken care of, we never go without. When he comes home from work and sees Ranen, he puts everything down and plays with him. My boys are so lucky to have such a great dad!

Okay, there's my rant about my boys, I just needed to share how much I love them!

Our Little Man

Ranen's getting so big! I can't believe how fast time has flown! He recently started sitting himself up and is now crawling, baby proofing this house is gonna tons of fun....Haha. I'm so lucky to have him in my life! Watching him grow and discover new things is so fun. Every single day is a whole new adventure! He waves bye to Jon when he leaves for work, he gives "5's", he tries to pet the cats, he feeds himself his bottles and finger foods, and he is beyond smart. I love watching his personality come out and learning more about who he is all the time. He's so friendly and loves to flirt with girls EVERYWHERE we go! Thank you for all the love and support over the last year or so! Being a mom and wife is incredible! :D

Our Life

Well, Jon and I have now been married for 3 months. It has flown by but we have enjoyed it so much! Our little man is 7 months and is growing up so fast! He amazes us everyday! We're in a bigger place now and we love it. Our friend Candice moved in with us, even though she is hardly ever around. Haha. Life is crazy busy all the time with Jon working, us visiting family, and trying to get our house cleaned up! We love our life together and we couldn't ask for anything better.

Recently we got two cats, Titan and Rex. They are both males and about 4 months old. They are so funny, running all over the house and hiding anywhere they can fit. They are scared too death of Ranen, and he just wants to grab them all the time. Colin absolutely loves following them around and talking to them. Those kids are too cute!

It's football season again, and for those of you who know Jon and his family, they live for football season! We watch a LOT of football in this house, but that's okay, then I have an excuse for him to watch chick flicks with me. We have U of U season tickets and we love going up to the games!

There's not much more to update everyone on, but I'm going to keep this blog going this time! I promise.